For most of my life I have enjoyed some of my sweetest moments of prayer in my bed, either before going to sleep or when I wake up sometime during the night. Quite often, if not always, these times of prayer end with me falling asleep mid-prayer and waking up to the horrible realization that, once again, I fell asleep on God.
I've often (always?) felt that this was rude and disrespectful and that God must surely be displeased with me for my lack of attention. After all, how would I feel if I were having a significant conversation with someone and they fell asleep mid sentence? I think I would feel pretty slighted, to say the least.
This morning I am pondering a new perspective on this issue. I have been thinking about my own children, and how I would feel if they came to me at the end of the day or the middle of the night because they had fears/worries/concerns that they needed to share with me. What would my reaction be if I looked over at some point and realized that my child, who had been feeling anxious/nervous/fearful, was now sleeping soundly because my presence, my love for them, my willingness to listen, had calmed them to such an extent that they could finally drift off to sleep? Would I be angry with them? Would I feel slighted that they didn't care enough to finish our conversation? Of course not. I would be delighted that, in the comfort of my presence, they found rest.
When I think about what I believe to be true about God (His infinite love, His never-ending grace, His immeasurable mercy), it leads me to the conclusion that my Heavenly Father doesn't feel slighted when I snuggle in to His presence and find rest. I think about when Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Yes, I know that in the original Greek this may not mean "I will allow you to lay down in your cozy bed and sleep", but might that be at least a part of it? That bringing our burdens to our kind and loving God brings us to a place of rest, even literal sleep?
So -- I will press on with my nighttime dates with God. If those moments end with a conclusive "Amen", so be it. If those moments end with me drifting off to sleep in the loving arms of my Father, so be it. Regardless of the outcome, at the end of the day (pun intended!) there is no place I would rather be than resting in the comfort and presence of my precious God.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Sunday, February 15, 2015
The Bubble in The Ceiling
I spent most of Valentine's Day in a bad mood. Not just your average, run-of-the-mill bad mood....this was the full on "I hate the entire world and everyone in it" bad mood. I'll spare you the details, but -- bottom line -- I was NOT feelin' the love on Valentine's Day.
Around 5:30 PM I went upstairs to make myself presentable for our family Valentine celebration, and, by God's grace, the Holy Spirit began to prick my conscience and let me know that I really needed to get my act together before dinner. So, I began to think about WHY I was in such a bad mood and then began to pray about those things as I put in my contacts and put on some make-up.
As I prayed, I realized part of the anger was from the constant pressure I feel over the work we need to have done on our house; BIG jobs that we simply cannot afford. Our 25 year old roof needs to be replaced. Our original, 25 year old windows need to be replaced (I was reminded of this as I felt the freezing cold air blowing through our CLOSED, LOCKED window in the bathroom). Our 25 year old HVAC is holding its own, but with predicted wind chills hitting 24 below, I was feeling nervous.
As I was praying, trying to entrust these things to God, Jack came running up the stairs yelling "There is a bubble on the ceiling!" (some of you may have seen the lovely picture on Facebook). Earlier in the day, due to a faulty toilet in Annie's bathroom (read: another home improvement we can't afford), we had a pretty serious flood. We thought is was dealt with, we thought it was cleaned up, until we saw The Bubble. Chaos ensued -- "Geoff! Come quick!" "Susie, get a bucket!" "Annie, go get the step ladder!" Then the horror of puncturing the bubble, catching the water, peeling off the bubbled paint, trying to discern just how bad it was going to get.
Here's the funny part -- at this point I should have come unglued. After an entire day of being angry about everything and at everyone I should have either burst into tears or started screaming profanities. My reaction? I almost started giggling. I so clearly saw God's sense of humor in this. "You want a real crisis? You want something to really worry about? Tired of "What ifs"? Here is a concrete, in-your-face opportunity to trust Me and believe that I will take care of you." And, in that moment, I chose to trust Him. I chose to believe that He will take care of this, that He will provide whatever we need to fix this damage and move on. And then all the anger, all the stress, disappeared as I was reminded that I believe in a God I can trust....all the time.
So -- we cleared the mess off the ceiling, set the bucket on the ladder to catch the drips, went into the dining room and proceeded to have one the best family Valentine's dinners any of us can remember! We sat at the table for almost two hours and had an AMAZING evening together. God is so good. To meet me in my anger, my fear, my disappointment and remind me that He is not only the God of the Universe, He is the God of The Bubble in the Ceiling.
Around 5:30 PM I went upstairs to make myself presentable for our family Valentine celebration, and, by God's grace, the Holy Spirit began to prick my conscience and let me know that I really needed to get my act together before dinner. So, I began to think about WHY I was in such a bad mood and then began to pray about those things as I put in my contacts and put on some make-up.
As I prayed, I realized part of the anger was from the constant pressure I feel over the work we need to have done on our house; BIG jobs that we simply cannot afford. Our 25 year old roof needs to be replaced. Our original, 25 year old windows need to be replaced (I was reminded of this as I felt the freezing cold air blowing through our CLOSED, LOCKED window in the bathroom). Our 25 year old HVAC is holding its own, but with predicted wind chills hitting 24 below, I was feeling nervous.
As I was praying, trying to entrust these things to God, Jack came running up the stairs yelling "There is a bubble on the ceiling!" (some of you may have seen the lovely picture on Facebook). Earlier in the day, due to a faulty toilet in Annie's bathroom (read: another home improvement we can't afford), we had a pretty serious flood. We thought is was dealt with, we thought it was cleaned up, until we saw The Bubble. Chaos ensued -- "Geoff! Come quick!" "Susie, get a bucket!" "Annie, go get the step ladder!" Then the horror of puncturing the bubble, catching the water, peeling off the bubbled paint, trying to discern just how bad it was going to get.
Here's the funny part -- at this point I should have come unglued. After an entire day of being angry about everything and at everyone I should have either burst into tears or started screaming profanities. My reaction? I almost started giggling. I so clearly saw God's sense of humor in this. "You want a real crisis? You want something to really worry about? Tired of "What ifs"? Here is a concrete, in-your-face opportunity to trust Me and believe that I will take care of you." And, in that moment, I chose to trust Him. I chose to believe that He will take care of this, that He will provide whatever we need to fix this damage and move on. And then all the anger, all the stress, disappeared as I was reminded that I believe in a God I can trust....all the time.
So -- we cleared the mess off the ceiling, set the bucket on the ladder to catch the drips, went into the dining room and proceeded to have one the best family Valentine's dinners any of us can remember! We sat at the table for almost two hours and had an AMAZING evening together. God is so good. To meet me in my anger, my fear, my disappointment and remind me that He is not only the God of the Universe, He is the God of The Bubble in the Ceiling.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Life is Broken
I have been struggling with this blog entry for several weeks. Not because I don't know what to say (have I ever been at a loss for words?), but because I don't know how to say it in a way that doesn't evoke deep despair and hopelessness. But...I believe the message is important....so I will try again.
I am one of those people who is always fixated on some future event to make me happy. "When I'm in high school", "When I'm in college", "When I get married".....you get the picture. From 2000-2012 I pinned all my hopes for happiness on our eventual return to the US....once we came "home", once we were settled as a normal American family, THEN I would finally be happy.
Ha. As I have shared in previous posts, our move back to the US in 2012 was, without question, the most difficult move we have ever had. In many ways, we are still feeling the pain and re-entry stress of that move. Once again I found that my dreams/expectations of "happiness" were not to be realized by a change of location, and that has been a bitter pill to swallow.
As I have tried to wrap my brain around "What now?"; as I have scrambled to find a new expectation to pin my hopes upon, I have come to the conclusion that life is disappointing. The world we live in is flawed and broken, and each one of us is flawed and broken. Placing our expectations/hopes on any location, any life experience, any person is setting us up for disappointment due to the simple fact that NOTHING is perfect, NO ONE is perfect.....on some level, we will always be disappointed.
This may seem pretty basic and elemental to some of you, but for me this has been a HUGE shift in my philosophy of life. After 47 years of chasing after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I am just now realizing that the pot of gold doesn't exist and that I have been chasing after an unattainable dream of perfection. Ouch.
The good news is, my musings don't end there! As I have struggled with this new reality....an understanding that life and everything in it is broken...I have been overwhelmed by the realization that there is ONE thing that isn't broken. There is ONE thing that IS perfect. There is ONE thing that will NEVER disappoint me. His name is Jesus.
I grew up believing that Jesus is the one constant, the one "perfect" in life. But, with so many other distractions, I was tempted to find my joy in other things. Marriage, parenthood, meaningful work, friendships....all of these things glittered with the promise of fulfillment. Don't get me wrong...those are all good things, and I have been DEEPLY blessed by my husband, my children, my family, my friends. But I have also been deeply wounded by my husband, my children, my family, my friends. I placed upon them an unrealistic expectation of perfection, and ultimately found myself disappointed. Just as I, in my own brokenness, have deeply wounded and disappointed them.
Which brings me back to my earlier declaration -- Jesus alone will never disappoint me. He is always good, He is always just, He always has my best interests in mind, His will is perfect, He can use everything that comes my way for my good. I may not always see that, I may not always understand why He chooses to act (or not to act) in a certain way....and there are certainly days when I think I have much better ideas than He does! But, in the end, I see His goodness. I see that He did have a plan, and that His plan was SO much better than mine.
So....this is my new reality: Life is broken. But, in that brokenness, I have a Savior that loves me, a Savior that is working in ways that I may never see to accomplish His PERFECT plan in my life and in the lives of the people that I love. And in the end He WILL bring me to a place of perfect peace and rest -- standing in His presence where there will be no more tears, no more death, no more mourning or crying or pain (Revelation 21:1-4). My hope is secure, my future is secure, because it rests on the One who will never disappoint me. Hallelujah and Amen.
I am one of those people who is always fixated on some future event to make me happy. "When I'm in high school", "When I'm in college", "When I get married".....you get the picture. From 2000-2012 I pinned all my hopes for happiness on our eventual return to the US....once we came "home", once we were settled as a normal American family, THEN I would finally be happy.
Ha. As I have shared in previous posts, our move back to the US in 2012 was, without question, the most difficult move we have ever had. In many ways, we are still feeling the pain and re-entry stress of that move. Once again I found that my dreams/expectations of "happiness" were not to be realized by a change of location, and that has been a bitter pill to swallow.
As I have tried to wrap my brain around "What now?"; as I have scrambled to find a new expectation to pin my hopes upon, I have come to the conclusion that life is disappointing. The world we live in is flawed and broken, and each one of us is flawed and broken. Placing our expectations/hopes on any location, any life experience, any person is setting us up for disappointment due to the simple fact that NOTHING is perfect, NO ONE is perfect.....on some level, we will always be disappointed.
This may seem pretty basic and elemental to some of you, but for me this has been a HUGE shift in my philosophy of life. After 47 years of chasing after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I am just now realizing that the pot of gold doesn't exist and that I have been chasing after an unattainable dream of perfection. Ouch.
The good news is, my musings don't end there! As I have struggled with this new reality....an understanding that life and everything in it is broken...I have been overwhelmed by the realization that there is ONE thing that isn't broken. There is ONE thing that IS perfect. There is ONE thing that will NEVER disappoint me. His name is Jesus.
I grew up believing that Jesus is the one constant, the one "perfect" in life. But, with so many other distractions, I was tempted to find my joy in other things. Marriage, parenthood, meaningful work, friendships....all of these things glittered with the promise of fulfillment. Don't get me wrong...those are all good things, and I have been DEEPLY blessed by my husband, my children, my family, my friends. But I have also been deeply wounded by my husband, my children, my family, my friends. I placed upon them an unrealistic expectation of perfection, and ultimately found myself disappointed. Just as I, in my own brokenness, have deeply wounded and disappointed them.
Which brings me back to my earlier declaration -- Jesus alone will never disappoint me. He is always good, He is always just, He always has my best interests in mind, His will is perfect, He can use everything that comes my way for my good. I may not always see that, I may not always understand why He chooses to act (or not to act) in a certain way....and there are certainly days when I think I have much better ideas than He does! But, in the end, I see His goodness. I see that He did have a plan, and that His plan was SO much better than mine.
So....this is my new reality: Life is broken. But, in that brokenness, I have a Savior that loves me, a Savior that is working in ways that I may never see to accomplish His PERFECT plan in my life and in the lives of the people that I love. And in the end He WILL bring me to a place of perfect peace and rest -- standing in His presence where there will be no more tears, no more death, no more mourning or crying or pain (Revelation 21:1-4). My hope is secure, my future is secure, because it rests on the One who will never disappoint me. Hallelujah and Amen.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Consider it Joy
This past week has been a week of bad news. On four separate occasions I have been driven to my knees with concern for people that are very dear to me. At the same time, our adult Sunday School class is studying the book of James -- and these words have been running through my mind all week:
"Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you KNOW that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance FINISH ITS WORK so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
I know that the people directly affected by the bad/sad news of this week are all believers in Jesus. And I know that their faith is not some "pie-in-the-sky", "opium of the people", blind faith. Their faith has shaped them, it has defined them, and today it is what sustains them.
I believe that each of these people will persevere through their current trials and, as a result, they will emerge from this season of life with a faith that is more mature and more complete than it was before. Will they still have moments of worry? Of course. Will tears be shed? Absolutely. Might they even wonder "Why me?"? Possibly. Will they throw in the towel and give up on their faith? No stinkin' way.
For me, these dear ones are living proof of the Good News that we call "the Gospel." Not only do we believe that Jesus died for our sins, saving us from eternal separation from God, but we also believe that He is intricately, directly involved in our lives on a daily basis. Does that mean nothing bad will ever happen to us as children of God? Of course not. But it does give us the hope and confidence that a loving God is willing and able to meet our needs....ALL of our needs....even when our circumstances scream to us that all is lost.
As I think of my own life, and the life of my immediate family, I am grateful that today we are in a season of peace. Everyone is happy, everyone is healthy.....life is good. But, there have been trials in the past that have shaken us to the core, and there will inevitably be trials in the future that will test our faith. In those moments,. I pray that God will grant us the grace to "count it all joy", and that we will emerge with a faith that is more mature, more complete for having walked with our God through the darkness.
"Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you KNOW that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance FINISH ITS WORK so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
I know that the people directly affected by the bad/sad news of this week are all believers in Jesus. And I know that their faith is not some "pie-in-the-sky", "opium of the people", blind faith. Their faith has shaped them, it has defined them, and today it is what sustains them.
I believe that each of these people will persevere through their current trials and, as a result, they will emerge from this season of life with a faith that is more mature and more complete than it was before. Will they still have moments of worry? Of course. Will tears be shed? Absolutely. Might they even wonder "Why me?"? Possibly. Will they throw in the towel and give up on their faith? No stinkin' way.
For me, these dear ones are living proof of the Good News that we call "the Gospel." Not only do we believe that Jesus died for our sins, saving us from eternal separation from God, but we also believe that He is intricately, directly involved in our lives on a daily basis. Does that mean nothing bad will ever happen to us as children of God? Of course not. But it does give us the hope and confidence that a loving God is willing and able to meet our needs....ALL of our needs....even when our circumstances scream to us that all is lost.
As I think of my own life, and the life of my immediate family, I am grateful that today we are in a season of peace. Everyone is happy, everyone is healthy.....life is good. But, there have been trials in the past that have shaken us to the core, and there will inevitably be trials in the future that will test our faith. In those moments,. I pray that God will grant us the grace to "count it all joy", and that we will emerge with a faith that is more mature, more complete for having walked with our God through the darkness.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Give Thanks
My Facebook friends have probably noticed that I am on a personal crusade to preserve the month of November as a time of giving thanks. Yes, we should be thankful every day, in everything, but there is something special and unique about a national holiday set aside for the sole purpose of gratitude.
Thanksgiving is particularly meaningful to me this year. A year ago I was in a very dark place, emotionally and spiritually. I felt battered, worn out, and abandoned by God. By His grace, I emerged from that dark place to once again find a place of hope, peace and trust. A HUGE part of that process was learning to be thankful -- IN all things and FOR all things (I Thessalonians 5:18).
God used my husband as my tutor in this process. As I have mentioned in previous posts, Geoff is a man of deep faith. My first response is to doubt, his is to trust. My first response is despair, his is hope. My first response is fear, his is confidence in our God. Throughout the summer and fall of 2012, when my doubt, despair and fear would overwhelm me, he would simply remind me of the goodness of God and call me to believe.
Over time, I learned to see the good that was happening in our lives. Our finances had taken a huge blow, but we were still able to pay our bills and feed our family. Our new house was not the "house of our dreams", but we have grown to love it and it has truly become HOME. I began to embrace an initially disappointing job, and saw the good in being in the same school as my little boy. Our 11 year old car with a faulty transmission is still running and meeting our needs. Our new church has become our spiritual family in Virginia, and has given us a place to serve and be served. Our three children have, for the most part, adapted and settled into their new lives in America. When I chose to be thankful, and see the good, I was overwhelmed by God's provision, care and protection.
This is why I am so determined to honor the tradition of giving thanks. This past year has been a startling lesson on how the simple act of gratitude really can change your life. The good is there...God's grace is there...God's presence is there....we just need to see it and thank Him for it.
Come December 1st, I will pull out my advent wreath and advent calendars and REJOICE that the Christmas season has arrived. But, until then, I am determined to focus on giving thanks, and I invite you all to join me!
Thanksgiving is particularly meaningful to me this year. A year ago I was in a very dark place, emotionally and spiritually. I felt battered, worn out, and abandoned by God. By His grace, I emerged from that dark place to once again find a place of hope, peace and trust. A HUGE part of that process was learning to be thankful -- IN all things and FOR all things (I Thessalonians 5:18).
God used my husband as my tutor in this process. As I have mentioned in previous posts, Geoff is a man of deep faith. My first response is to doubt, his is to trust. My first response is despair, his is hope. My first response is fear, his is confidence in our God. Throughout the summer and fall of 2012, when my doubt, despair and fear would overwhelm me, he would simply remind me of the goodness of God and call me to believe.
Over time, I learned to see the good that was happening in our lives. Our finances had taken a huge blow, but we were still able to pay our bills and feed our family. Our new house was not the "house of our dreams", but we have grown to love it and it has truly become HOME. I began to embrace an initially disappointing job, and saw the good in being in the same school as my little boy. Our 11 year old car with a faulty transmission is still running and meeting our needs. Our new church has become our spiritual family in Virginia, and has given us a place to serve and be served. Our three children have, for the most part, adapted and settled into their new lives in America. When I chose to be thankful, and see the good, I was overwhelmed by God's provision, care and protection.
This is why I am so determined to honor the tradition of giving thanks. This past year has been a startling lesson on how the simple act of gratitude really can change your life. The good is there...God's grace is there...God's presence is there....we just need to see it and thank Him for it.
Come December 1st, I will pull out my advent wreath and advent calendars and REJOICE that the Christmas season has arrived. But, until then, I am determined to focus on giving thanks, and I invite you all to join me!
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Gray Hair and Promises Kept
My husband has gray hair.....and I love it!! Not only because it increases his overall handsomeness, but because his gray hair represents a promise kept: a promise that we would grow old together.
Today, September 15, we are CELEBRATING our 23rd wedding anniversary. This year is particularly poignant for me, as I am coming off a year of deep pain, a year of significant growth, a year of recovery. We have had some dark days in the past year, yet here we are -- celebrating another year of life together.
This past year has tested our wedding vows more so than any other. Geoff has seen me at my worst, and still believes in the best in me. We have faced significant financial stress, and Geoff has been the one to whisper in my ear, "God will provide." We have learned that sickness comes in many forms, and on my darkest days, Geoff has been the one to lovingly lead me back to the Light. He has honored me, he has cherished me, he has been faithful to me.
So, today I celebrate. Not a life of perfection, for life has proven to be far from perfect. I celebrate a God who has blessed us and cared for us individually and as a family, and I celebrate a husband who has been a shining example to me of commitment and unconditional love. I step into our 24th year of marriage with confidence....confidence in a God who loves me, and confidence in a man who has proven himself to be the true prince of my fairytale, gray hair and all!! Happy Anniversary, indeed.
Today, September 15, we are CELEBRATING our 23rd wedding anniversary. This year is particularly poignant for me, as I am coming off a year of deep pain, a year of significant growth, a year of recovery. We have had some dark days in the past year, yet here we are -- celebrating another year of life together.
This past year has tested our wedding vows more so than any other. Geoff has seen me at my worst, and still believes in the best in me. We have faced significant financial stress, and Geoff has been the one to whisper in my ear, "God will provide." We have learned that sickness comes in many forms, and on my darkest days, Geoff has been the one to lovingly lead me back to the Light. He has honored me, he has cherished me, he has been faithful to me.
So, today I celebrate. Not a life of perfection, for life has proven to be far from perfect. I celebrate a God who has blessed us and cared for us individually and as a family, and I celebrate a husband who has been a shining example to me of commitment and unconditional love. I step into our 24th year of marriage with confidence....confidence in a God who loves me, and confidence in a man who has proven himself to be the true prince of my fairytale, gray hair and all!! Happy Anniversary, indeed.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
A Nugget of Wisdom from Hollywood
I love Christmas. I love Christmas music. I love Christmas decorations. I love Christmas movies. I love Christmas sweaters with matching earrings. I am a Christmas junkie.
I will agree that Christmas has become highly commercialized....that in the frenzy of gift buying/giving, social functions, family obligations, and "political correctness", the true meaning of Christmas is often lost in the shuffle. But -- the Truth is out there....and it shows up in some unlikely places!
My favorite Christmas movie of all time is "Miracle on 34th Street" -- the original 1947 classic, NOT the cheesy remake. When Santa sings in Dutch to the little war orphan....there are no words....
And, buried deep in the dialogue of this classic film, there is a line that REEKS of Truth. When the disenchanted, bitter mother has finally found the faith to believe in Santa, when she has finally let her guard down to once again love and be loved, she shares this nugget with her little girl -- a child who has been disappointed by Santa's apparent inability to give her what she REALLY wants for Christmas. Her mother turns to her and simply says, "Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to."
That simple statement is one of the greatest lessons I have learned in the past year. There have been SO many times when my common sense has told me that my faith has been misplaced. That God has truly abandoned us, that we have been forgotten, that our circumstances could not POSSIBLY be within His control. Everything from the decision to bring our 11 year old car back to the US (a decision which has cost us over $7,000 at this point), to being hired/fired/hired within the course of a year, moving Jack to his third school in three years, moving Molly from her beloved Belmont to James Madison University, watching our hard earned savings disappear before our eyes, realizing that Virginia isn't "home" and that home (Wisconsin) is still too far away....SO many times I have questioned and wondered "Why?"....and my faith has wavered.
But, by God's grace, I am married to a man who is a man of faith. A man whose first response to EVERY crisis has been "We will be fine. God will take care of us." At times I have found this to be incredibly annoying and very unsympathetic, but the reality is that he is right! We ARE fine, God HAS taken care of us.....even when common sense told me that all is lost and we cannot possibly survive. Have God's answers always been what I would have chosen? No, but I am learning to trust Him. To recognize that He has a plan for me and for my family that transcends my minuscule understanding. To have the faith to believe in HIM, even when (especially when??), common sense tells me not to.
I will agree that Christmas has become highly commercialized....that in the frenzy of gift buying/giving, social functions, family obligations, and "political correctness", the true meaning of Christmas is often lost in the shuffle. But -- the Truth is out there....and it shows up in some unlikely places!
My favorite Christmas movie of all time is "Miracle on 34th Street" -- the original 1947 classic, NOT the cheesy remake. When Santa sings in Dutch to the little war orphan....there are no words....
And, buried deep in the dialogue of this classic film, there is a line that REEKS of Truth. When the disenchanted, bitter mother has finally found the faith to believe in Santa, when she has finally let her guard down to once again love and be loved, she shares this nugget with her little girl -- a child who has been disappointed by Santa's apparent inability to give her what she REALLY wants for Christmas. Her mother turns to her and simply says, "Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to."
That simple statement is one of the greatest lessons I have learned in the past year. There have been SO many times when my common sense has told me that my faith has been misplaced. That God has truly abandoned us, that we have been forgotten, that our circumstances could not POSSIBLY be within His control. Everything from the decision to bring our 11 year old car back to the US (a decision which has cost us over $7,000 at this point), to being hired/fired/hired within the course of a year, moving Jack to his third school in three years, moving Molly from her beloved Belmont to James Madison University, watching our hard earned savings disappear before our eyes, realizing that Virginia isn't "home" and that home (Wisconsin) is still too far away....SO many times I have questioned and wondered "Why?"....and my faith has wavered.
But, by God's grace, I am married to a man who is a man of faith. A man whose first response to EVERY crisis has been "We will be fine. God will take care of us." At times I have found this to be incredibly annoying and very unsympathetic, but the reality is that he is right! We ARE fine, God HAS taken care of us.....even when common sense told me that all is lost and we cannot possibly survive. Have God's answers always been what I would have chosen? No, but I am learning to trust Him. To recognize that He has a plan for me and for my family that transcends my minuscule understanding. To have the faith to believe in HIM, even when (especially when??), common sense tells me not to.
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